The hardest thing sometimes is learning how to accept. Accepting flaws, insecurities, things that the ‘social system’ deems “unhealthy” takes courage and a lot of inner strength to withhold. A lot of us lack the proper conditioning that prepares us for such a life full of disasters.
The 21st century’s pursuit of unattainable luxuries is making us delusional. We consider the perfect person to be the one with money, fame, a car maybe, good comfortable house, which is, of course important but not exactly what makes life worth living for.
We are conditioned in a way where we get hard wired into believing that mental health issues, depression, anxiety renders a person useless and loss of an “asset” basically. So it is natural to think that if I am struggling with such an issue, I might not be able to make it, and the natural response is denial!
The more you dwell in this mindset, the harder it is to get out.
“The acceptance of oneself is the essence of the whole moral problem and the epitome of a whole outlook on life. That I feed the hungry, that I forgive an insult, that I love my enemy in the name of Christ — all these are undoubtedly great virtues. What I do unto the least of my brethren, that I do unto Christ. But what if I should discover that the least among them all, the poorest of all the beggars, the most impudent of all the offenders, the very enemy himself — that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness — that I myself am the enemy who must be loved — what then? As a rule, the Christian’s attitude is then reversed; there is no longer any question of love or long-suffering; we say to the brother within us “Raca,” and condemn and rage against ourselves. We hide it from the world; we refuse to admit ever having met this least among the lowly in ourselves.”
― C.G. Jung,
It is uncanny that anyone can remain undistracted for long. The amount of distractions we are surrounded by right now, asking, rather demanding your attention is atrocious. It takes a superhuman will to remain in control.
Getting rid of judgement
The fear of judgement has killed more dreams than men have committed murders. Breaking ties with this excruciating fear is crucial in order to finally open up to accepting things.
It is alright though. Running away from problems and issues is a natural response of the psyche, we either fight or take a flight. But what is not alright is shrugging things under the rug, one day or the other it is either going to stain or smell.
Just start by giving the emotion a chance by opening up. Rather than ignoring and escaping, just close your eyes and try to understand. Try answering these basic questions –
What is this feeling?
What am I angry at?
What am I afraid of?
What is this self-doubt?
What is that I am regretting about?
One answer opens up a plethora of possibilities. Analysing emotions and events without an emotional bias is what will help you resolve this tendency to escape.
There are two fundamental steps that I consider may help –
Practice the notion of accepting things.
I have a pimple, it is alright, who am I afraid of, what judgement do I dread, it is a natural response of my body, it means that I am healthy, if people around me change the perception that I have a pimple, then I think I am surrounded by toxic people. I am a little chubby, why should a projected image of femininity be what is shown on TV and social media, I am healthy, fit and don’t have any issues with whether I am a size or whatever, my friends and family love me for who I am.
Getting rid of the subconscious ego is crucial.
Sometimes you may need help. And it is not the end of the world to ask for a helping hand. You don’t have to blow out but a call to a friend suffices it at times. That is essentially what friends are for –
‘hey what’s up man, let’s catch up over a chaai’.
The practice of accepting things and letting go of the ego to ask for a helping hand is perfectly normal, but sadly not a lot of people are comfortable doing so.
I wrote an entire album on mental health issues watching my friends struggle with issues and turning their comfortable 3 BHK super bungalows into living hells.
It will get easier. Talk to your friends, spend time with family, listen to good music, watch good movies, it will be alright.
Sending love and power.
Listen to this album – Yahaan
Here is the song that talks about these two steps, how I felt trying to let go of not accepting things – Maana Ke (Gumaan)
Read more – Blog – Saby Singh