rainbows is one of the first tracks I ever produced. A modest bedroom music studio setup and an unquenchable curiosity to explore sound, music production felt like a brand new world. Oh! what a time it was.
Although, I still feel the same way when I sit down to write and produce – most of all the element of surprise and discovery.
I was going through a break up – a very ugly one. All I wanted to do was to just hold on and freeze the moment when I had her in my life. It was difficult, probably one of the most difficult and excruciating phases I have ever experienced. Even today, I still dream of her, the scent of her hair as fresh as the first rain after the dry.
This happened around nine years ago. And if it wasn’t for songs like rainbows, gumaan, and so many others, I would not be where I am.
rainbows is almost a decade old now – almost. And all through this time, there has never been a month, to say, that I haven’t heard the demo and reminisced about what it means to be a lover,- what it means to love.
When you listen to it, you can feel the tenderness and rawness in my voice, it sounds completely different from what it is today. I recorded this song in my twenties and am releasing it today – in my early thirties.
This proves two things –
- Love is as real as a tree. Of all the emotions, love holds the most power and can possibly change everything – who you are, or could be.
- We don’t understand love at all. We think it is all about being with the other person and all the jazz, when in reality the true nature of love is not in holding on but in letting the other person free – in letting go.
Below is an attempt to decipher what rainbows is all about. I hope this song gives you the courage to let go and open up to a brave new world of possibilities, drama and learning.
All my love and peace, as always…
– Saby // 17.02.2025
The Quiet Drift
There are two kinds of distance in a relationship. The one you can measure in miles, and the one that settles between two people in the silence of things unsaid. The latter is the most haunting—the quiet drift, the slow disappearance of something that once felt like home.
At first, you don’t notice it. Maybe because it doesn’t announce itself with a fight or a slammed door. Instead, it arrives in subtler ways—an unanswered text, a conversation that feels a little more hollow than it used to, a lingering sense that the person sitting next to you is no longer fully there.
You tell yourself it’s temporary. That life gets in the way. That you’ll find your way back to each other. But in the stillness of the night, when your thoughts are loud and the room feels too big, you whisper a plea into the void:
“Please stay the same.”
The Fragile Nature of Holding On
It’s strange how we try to keep people frozen in time, as if love is something that should be preserved instead of lived. We gather memories like souvenirs, fearing that if we stop collecting, we’ll lose what little we have left.
We hold on to their voice in old voicemails. The way their eyes used to soften when they looked at us. The scent of their clothes, lingering like a ghost in the corners of our space.
But what are we really holding on to? Them? Or just the version of them that fit perfectly into our world?
Love is not about ownership, yet we grasp at it as if we can stop time from changing it. And maybe that’s the saddest part—not that they are leaving, but that we cannot make them stay.
When the Ashes Are All That’s Left
Drifting apart is not always loud. Sometimes, it is the quiet realization that no matter how much you try to rebuild, something essential is missing.
“I’ve been sitting here in ashes, longing to belong.”
That line feels too real. Because what is longing, if not a refusal to accept the present? The ache of nostalgia, the weight of remembering, the sharp sting of knowing that something once yours is now just a shadow of what it used to be.
And yet, we sit in the remnants, as if waiting for the embers to spark again.
The Illusion of Starting Over
It’s tempting, isn’t it? The idea that you can rewind. That if you move back to the place where it all began, where love was effortless, you can somehow start again.
“Move down to my place, let’s start again.”
But I’ve learned something about time: it does not wait for us to catch up. It does not care how much we wish we could step back into an old version of ourselves. We are always moving forward, even when we resist.
Starting over is not about returning to the past. It is about meeting each other again, as we are now—without expectation, without needing them to be the person they once were.
And that is the hardest part. Because sometimes, when the dust settles, you realize that what remains is not enough.
Learning to Let the Drift Be
There’s a difference between giving up and surrendering to what is.
Maybe they come back. Maybe they don’t. Maybe you will always feel their absence in the spaces they used to fill.
But at some point, you stop asking them to stay the same. You stop clinging to the version of them that only exists in your mind.
And you start letting yourself change, too.
Because distance is not always meant to be crossed. Sometimes, it is meant to be understood.
And sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is let go.
Lyrics
you walk across a distance
oh! please stay the same
I’ve tried my best to illuminate what’s on the way
there’s nothing to be afraid of, sweet heart
please don’t walk across the distance
oh! please stay the same
I’ve gathered all the pieces that’ve fallen over time
the last remaining sounds of the way we spend our nights
it is all so full of cravings and your belongings
I’ve been sitting here in ashes longing to belong
move down to my place
let’s start again – all that once was
it is simple and so easy to end it all
let’s gather down together once for all
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