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the answer is simple

gray and black hive printed textile

i have been looking over the hedges, into the wilderness and all along my visual spectrum. even tried to listen to it, feel it in my bones, but every effort laid bare my expectations and an exaggeration of my conventional being.

after looking for it for ages, spending countless hours counting stars and inadvertently trying to assign a meaning, i have yet again failed. failed to dismantle what i am destined to. the prostitute of curiosity gets to you and hits you where it makes a lasting, impeding injury of the doom. i am tired and still not arrested to laying down. i am still going strong and still on the lookout for holes and cracks to slither through. what am i but a machine!

when it is all laid out, when i feel the need to reassure, when it is time to reap the efforts, i cunningly back out. smooth and furnished, i dig out a way out of my own rewards. i am not into rewards and don’t believe in the concept. living in itself, being able to feel, experience is the reward. there is no value to anything as such, it is just a notion, a philosophy – fiction.

aligning and clinging to an opinion seems vague and utterly unpleasant to me, as if i am wasting the time i am given. however, this is the truth. this is how the human world functions – in groups and clans and identities. and i have no such belonging to attach to. being open to life puts you through hell, again and again. it breaks who you are and then you find a different, more wholesome you, but the cycle starts all over again. when you look at it from a distant, from an objective perspective, it is a loop. and you are caught in it.

maybe the reason for going through all of this vagabonding is to find the meaningless of the creation. it is to squander upon a theme that is true and innately right with no justifications or materialised explanations. i am at one such crossroads.

the more i think about it, the foggier it gets; the foggier it gets, the more i realise, that i shouldn’t think. well, i should definitely think, for that is what a man is all about, but not give up to the blatant literals and define myself through the eyes of others. it has to be inside. it has to be uniquely and strangely mine.

what i stumble upon is an answer – a rapidly memorised explanation actually, that it is simple. the answer is transparent and has been there all along this way. i have been blind the entire time.

i just have to do it. you just have to do it. pick and choose anything you want, and you put yourself through the trouble of learning it, getting good at it, becoming a master and just keep doing it, without ever implying a value or a number to it.

life is a flowing river, you can put in boulders and create dams to block it, but it will eventually flow. life is like water, you can put it in a jar and be marooned by your extraordinary feat but it doesn’t change the basic nature of it. water flows. it takes the shape of the vessel without losing its inherent inclination to its instincts.

the answer is simple. you have to do it. and do it with all of your heart and will. the universe will plot with you, for you. it will take a while to move the rusted, rattled shutter but it will move.

the true pace of the universe can be observed through plants. they move and twine and twinkle and glide and surprise you. for all they need is the time, and patience to realise that it is about the growth, the direction will be an outcome, and there will never be an endpoint. those who say ‘you made it’, live a delusional, secluded life bound inside the walls of a suggested novel idea of survival dictated by local, cultural and social ethics. it is a lie.

just choose something and stick to it.

just do it.

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