The phone has taken over my world. Unknowingly I have succumbed to this gore reality that I exist in an electronic device – what i like, what i despise, what i hope, what i long for – this 6 inch device knows me, and dares stare straight into my soul.
Hasui Kawase was ridiculously good at capturing snow.
Bewildered, I watch myself tense up while my hand, now scattered in attention, fumbles around to discover the cold, lifeless device buried in the deepest folds of my blanket. The after math is the same repetitive gesture that my right hand has mastered over a million iterations.
By the time I realise what my body has transformed into, I am deep embedded in the clusterfuck of never ending scrolls. Empty blank stare into the glowing streaming display and a body and presence long forgotten, in ruin.
This false promise of a personal, private space has not only hooked me, but my friends, my family, every one around me. This information that I am not alone, doesn’t help at all. In fact, it makes things even worse than they actually are. Everyone is enchanted into a spell of delusion, mimicry, and “art”. Like everyone around me, I fetch, I snap, and I consume.
It has been two months that I deleted the Instagram app from my phone. To begin with, I had no expectations of anything whatsoever. Because I am tired of sticking expectations and value with everything, it hasn’t been too kind to my mental health.
However, what surprises me the most is that I don’t miss having Instagram. It just feels like another day. Part of the reason could be that, I discovered that short-form content is EVERYWHERE – YouTube, Substack, Reddit, especially reddit. I think Reddit, the dark, desolate, discarded corner of the internet, is content gold mine for consumers like me.
My battle is not with an instagram, or a youtube, or short-form content, I need to regain my ability to focus.
I used to spend days with a song, weeks forgotten in a book, I used to ponder about dilemmas, let my inner demons sink their bloodsucking teeth into my thoughts and I used to love exploring these deeper darker parts of being.
This ability to sit still, listen, ponder, observe, wonder, wander, dream, breathe, under the great blue sky is the definition of my existence. This is what I do, this is what my heart desires, this is exactly what I am supposed to do with this life. Took me a while to figure this out, but if there exists a truth for me, it is this and this alone – I think.
I came across this really interesting video about brain-rot and how over-estimated this claim of villianizing short form content might be actually misunderstood. The research changed my rather uni-dimensional thought into a wider holistic approach at this entire experiment.
It is not about making peace with the idea that AI exists, or short-form content is a standard now, but about looking at it from a larger scope, not as how it is changing me, but what generational shifts are being observed.
I never missed having instagram for even a moment. My fingers, however had to abruptly learn that the app icon has magically disappeared. There is no discomfort, no FOMO, in fact, I could say I feel the opposite – JOMO (joy of missing out).
Is this just me? Is my family actually right in claiming I have a loose screw?
I don’t know, perhaps I don’t want to know, and I think the only “real” realisation is that I don’t like being softly pushed into a category, into a label, into a persona. I love space, I love spending time all by myself, locked in a room somewhere, or with the birds, or with an idea, or a song, or a thought, or with the clouds, or the rain. I am the prison, I am the jailor, and I am the one in cage. All I need is to set myself free, and the only way I discovered is to be wary of this smartphone.
I am not saying to completely get rid of the device, but as the video suggested – to rather build a functional, sustainable relationship and look at it as just another tool, nothing more, nothing less, just a tool.
I also found my inner child, almost.
The inner child, turns out, is an old disciplined, sophisticated soul, like some kid with a non-canonical way of being. Like a spirit gifted with attention, and awareness, my inner child has always just observed me, make mistakes, make wrong choices, without judgement, scrutiny or despise. And all I have done so far is ignored its existence.
This is not a sin, and shouldn’t be considered a crime. Nothing good has ever come of punishing oneself because of a realised mistake. It takes time to heal, to appear and to flow, but it is morning whenever you wake up.
If there’s one thing I am taking from these two months of self-induced experiment for a better understanding of my digital existence, it is that I need to be careful, that I need to be reminded of what is real and what is not. And the only way through is by embracing how I interact with the world, by giving my senses a fair chance.
Life is in the mundane, magic is in the ordinary, and the internet sometimes alters how we perceive the world. No one is going to come and save me, only I can help and save myself.
Here are some songs that I re-discovered. I hope this makes you take a break and experience the beautiful mundane existence for once.
Starless – King Crimson
Aja – Steely Dan
The Gift of Guilt – Gojira
Carolina Polachek – Tiny Desk
Amaia – Tiny Desk
Flea and the Honora Band – Tiny Desk
Also I am playing some shows, if you are around, come say Hi!
| Place | Dates | Location | DM for Link |
| Bir | September 19, 2026 | Soulmantra Cafe, Bir | |
| Palampur | October 2-4, 2026 | Cicada Festival, Palampur |
This is My Instagram Account
:p
love & peace
saby
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